Margaret is a Faithful Finish Lines 2.0 member and Finisher who loves to read and write when she is not teaching. She lived overseas for a number of years and now resides in the Midwest where she serves the community by teaching English as a Second Language.
Explore examples of boundaries in the Bible and the life lessons they offer for relationships, morality, and spiritual growth in today’s world.
If you are like me, you probably feel that it is an important Christian virtue to be present and available for people who need you and to serve others selflessly as much as possible. The Bible even tells us in Philippians 2:3 to consider others as more important than ourselves, right?
But what happens when you say no sometimes? Or when you should say no, but you do not? Do you ever feel like you want to say no to something, but the thought makes you feel guilty or afraid?
On the other hand, it is not good to be so focused on being loving and unselfish that you forget or ignore your own limits and limitations. That’s why we all need good boundaries.
GotQuestions gives a good definition of what a boundary is:
A boundary is a “dividing line.” In geography, a boundary is that which marks the end of one property or jurisdiction and the beginning of another. In interpersonal relationships, a boundary is what divides one person from another, so that each can have separate identities, responsibilities, and privileges. A boundary creates necessary “space” between individuals. Healthy boundaries define expectations and show respect for others.
GotQuestions on definition of boundary
In a Biblical context, boundaries are related to self-control. God wants you to control yourself and respect others and not try to control them. Boundaries protect you from those who are not well-controlled and try to control you. Boundaries are also helpful in keeping out worldly influences that might affect you adversely as a Christian.
This article will explore examples of boundaries in the Bible and the life lessons they offer for relationships, morality, and spiritual growth in today’s world.
We will be looking at types and examples of boundaries in the Bible — both in the Old and New Testaments — as well as the importance of boundaries in today’s modern world.
If you are seeking guidance on setting healthy boundaries in your life, your relationships, and spiritual journeys, then read on!
Understanding Boundaries in the Bible
In addition to the definition shared above, the dictionary at Cambridge.org defines a boundary as a real or imagined line that marks the edge or limit of something; the limit of a subject or principle; and the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behavior.
When applied biblically, the definition of boundaries refers to the limits set by God for human behavior.
In a devotional on Bible.com called Boundaries 101, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend share that the concept of boundaries comes from the very nature of God.
“God defines himself as a distinct, separate being, and he is responsible for himself. He defines and takes responsibility for his personality by telling us what he thinks, feels, plans, allows, will not allow, likes, and dislikes…
Bible.com on boundaries 101
God also limits what he will allow in his yard. He confronts sin and allows consequences for behavior. He guards his house and will not allow evil things to go on there. He invites people in who will love him, and he lets his love flow outward to them at the same time. The “gates” of his boundaries open and close appropriately.”
Because you are made in God’s image, God has given you personal responsibility to be a good steward over your life, and with this in mind, He expects you to develop boundaries like His.
Types of Boundaries
Understanding types of boundaries is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships. Boundaries help define what is acceptable and what is not, allowing individuals to protect their emotional, physical, and mental well-being.
Physical Boundaries
Physical boundaries are those that define the borders of land or property, as well as personal space. A physical border can be something like a river or a mountain range that marks a natural barrier between areas. Some biblical examples of such boundaries are found in the following passages:
On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram and said, “To your descendants I give this land, from the Wadi[a] of Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates…
Genesis 15:18
Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Mediterranean Sea in the west.
Joshua 1:4
Property lines are boundary lines that define the points where owned land properties begin and end. Some property lines have physical markers, whereas others are invisible. Examples in the Bible of this kind of boundary are found in the following passages:
Do not move your neighbor’s boundary stone set up by your predecessors in the inheritance you receive in the land the Lord your God is giving you to possess.
Deuteronomy 19:14
Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your ancestors.
Proverbs 22:28
Personal Boundaries
A further definition of boundaries involves limits set on personal space. This can include limiting the personal space around you that should not be invaded without consent, your comfort level with touch, limits on space you consider private, as well as health-related boundaries for limiting contact with things you consider a threat to your health.
Examples of personal boundaries in the Bible are mentioned in verses like:
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:23
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 6:12
Emotional Boundaries
Emotional boundaries are ones you set so that others are respectful of your emotional well-being and internal comfort level. In some cases, setting emotional boundaries helps to keep people at a safe distance to protect yourself; in other cases, such boundaries allow you to let people in as far as you feel safe doing so, in order to have community, good communication and deeper relationships.
In John 4, Jesus meets the Samaritan woman at the well and engages in conversation with her. In doing so, He practices good emotional boundaries by demonstrating His willingness to set aside cultural and religious barriers to talk to her, a woman of a different religion and from a group despised by the Jews.
He is respectful of her well-being and protects his own emotional boundaries by not letting her theological claims and beliefs unsettle him. He responds to her in a gentle manner, so she also does not feel threatened or unsettled. This results in an amazing conversation that leads her to fully trust in Jesus as the Messiah.
Moral Boundaries
Moral boundaries are put in place as a way to respect the rights of others as well as to declare where you stand so that others do not disrespect you or force you to act against your conscience and moral values.
The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17) are an example of boundaries laid down by God as protective standards that can regulate, govern, and guard your steps in life.
Rather than being rules you must follow, the Ten Commandments and other moral lessons from the Bible are wise counsel from God who is the source of all wisdom. He knows what you need to live your best life and make ethical choices, to avoid damaging yourself and harming others.
Spiritual Boundaries
Spiritual boundaries protect your spiritual well-being and your relationship with God. They allow you to better understand your own beliefs and how you put those beliefs into practice.
Without spiritual boundaries in place, it is easy to find yourself confused, as stated in Ephesians 4:14
“tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming”
Ephesians 4:14
Jesus summarizes in just a few verses how to have the best relationship with God and how to put your faith into practice when He says in Matthew 22:36-39:
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.“
Matthew 22:36-39
The rest of the Bible goes on to explain how to apply this passage to your life and to your boundaries. As explained on the Boundaries website in an article entitled God, the Bible, and Boundaries:
“Loving God and our neighbor is difficult. One of the main reasons it’s so difficult is because of boundary problems, which are essentially problems of responsibility. We do not know who is responsible for what, where we end and someone else begins, where God ends and we begin. The Bible clarifies those boundaries so that we can begin to see who should do what in this labor of love.”
Boundaries Books
Importance of Boundaries
Boundaries are important because they promote healthy relationships and spiritual growth by helping you communicate your needs, expectations, and limits to others.
Boundaries are essential in your spiritual life to help you avoid false teaching and retain strong doctrine, choose good friends who are wise and self-controlled, act morally by rejecting the desires of the flesh, and avoiding idolatry by giving God His due glory.
Boundaries can be both defining and protective, according to an article on the Boundaries website that talks about the difference between defining boundaries and protective boundaries.
Boundaries define who you are and what your values are, reflecting what you believe is important and valuable in life. They can help guide you in making decisions and in your relationships.
Boundaries can also be protective, helping to guard you when you feel you need to protect your values, emotions, gifts, time, and energy from people and situations that may waste or injure them.
For more resources and excellent articles about boundaries, check out the resources and blog at BoundariesBooks.com.
Old Testament Examples of Boundaries
The Garden of Eden: God’s First Boundary
God’s first boundary given to mankind is found in Genesis 2:16-17, where God speaks to Adam and Eve about a limit He wants them to observe:
And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
Genesis 2:16-17
God has put Adam and Eve in authority over the Garden and all the creatures in it. The only restriction God puts on this authority is to not eat from a single tree in the Garden. The fruit of all the other trees is available and free to eat, but not the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. There is a consequence for not obeying this restriction, which is death.
God’s purpose in setting this boundary is to give Adam and Eve the opportunity to be responsible for governing their own lives in freedom. This freedom includes freedom to obey or not to obey. They had all they needed for life and pleasant communion with God, and only one thing was out of bounds.
But when it came right down to it, Adam and Eve chose to not trust God; instead, they disobeyed by overstepping the boundary. When confronted with their sin, they each blamed someone else for their disobedience, thus compounding their sin. The consequence was death and separation from God.
As stated in the article about biblical boundaries on GotQuestion.org,
“Boundaries are about taking responsibility for our own lives. God gives us freedom to choose to live within His boundaries or outside of them, and to live outside of God’s boundaries means to accept the consequences. Living inside God’s boundaries brings blessing, and living outside of them brings destruction and death (Romans 6:23)… Boundaries limit destructive behaviors, and that is why both God and society have laws and consequences for those who overstep those laws (Romans 13:1-4).“
GotQuestion about Biblical boundaries
The Ten Commandments: Moral Boundaries
The Ten Commandments are the most well known of the ethical boundaries in Scripture. They were originally revealed to Moses by God at Mount Sinai, as recorded in Exodus 20:1-17. They are ethical directives that provide a moral guidebook for God’s people.
The first several of God’s commandments focus on God as the one who rescued His people from slavery and He alone should be worshiped by them.
Worshiping idols is forbidden, because God is the only true god and He should be given their full loyalty. His name should be kept holy and not misused in any disrespectful way. These moral boundaries help people remember to hold God in reverence.
The commandment about observing the Sabbath provides a moral boundary for keeping a day set aside to rest and rely on God fully to provide, since on that day no work is to be done. The Sabbath is set apart to connect with God and with other people.
The remaining commandments have to do with relationships to other people and how they should be treated. These laws establish healthy boundaries based on respect for God and other people and are essential for maintaining a healthy community.
Living in a healthy community means respecting other people’s boundaries, including parents and neighbors, as well as neighbors’ property and family members.
Lying, stealing, murder, and adultery are boundaries that should not be crossed because such acts devalue and harm other people and their rights, which will come with consequences for the one breaking the boundary.
Even coveting is considered a moral boundary to avoid crossing, because it is a stepping stone to ungratefulness and discontentment which leads to lying, stealing, murder, and adultery.
The Ten Commandments are significant as a summary of ethical living and respect for God and others. They are the foundation of God’s moral law. As Wayne Crowther writes in an article about whether the Ten Commandments are outdated ethics or timeless rules,
“When you consider the Ten Commandments, you’re looking at more than just a set of ancient rules; you’re seeing a foundational framework that has influenced ethical thinking for centuries. These commandments offer guidance on how to navigate complex moral landscapes, addressing duties towards both God and fellow humans.”
Wayne Crowther
He goes on to share that these Old Testament laws provide a foundational ethical framework for Christian moral teachings, emphasizing key virtues like honesty, respect, justice, and contentment.
These Biblical laws influence both personal morality and communal harmony and have modern applications in many fields, including business ethics, medical ethics, and environmental stewardship.
New Testament Examples of Boundaries
Jesus and the Woman at the Well: Emotional Boundaries
John 4:1- 42 describes a time in Jesus’ ministry when he met a Samaritan woman at a well and engaged her in conversation that led to her believing in Him as the Messiah.
As mentioned earlier in this article, emotional boundaries help you keep others at a safe distance to protect yourself, as well as allowing you to let people in as far as you feel safe doing so, in order to have community, good communication and deeper relationships.
Jesus does this when he meets the Samaritan woman at the well and engages in conversation with her, practicing good emotional boundaries by showing her he is willing to set aside cultural and religious boundaries to talk to her.
While maintaining good emotional boundaries, Jesus goes against all kinds of other boundaries when He chooses to go through the country of Samaria on purpose, as Jews of that time always walked around it while traveling from Judea to Galilee because it was considered an unclean and enemy country to them.
Jesus then goes on to talk to a woman about worshiping God, thus subverting racial boundaries, religious boundaries, political boundaries, and gender boundaries. He does so gently and with purpose, not being critical of her differing beliefs and questions, and not letting the discussion move away from where He wants it to go — speaking of a future time when all true worshipers of God will worship not in a particular place but “in the Spirit and in truth”.
Part of making sure you stay healthy emotionally is making sure you have good boundaries in place for your relationships. Such boundaries are a way to cultivate mutual respect and a balanced partnership with others to help prevent resentment, stress, and emotional fatigue from creeping into your relationship. You choose what to let inside your heart, and this boundary protects you by letting in what’s true and blocking out what’s not.
Emotional boundaries will help others be respectful of your emotional well-being and internal comfort level. Remember that different people have different boundaries, so something that bothers others may not bother you, and vice versa. Therefore, it’s important to be open in communicating about such boundaries.
On the other hand, you also need to be willing as a Christian to sometimes open up your boundaries to others, at least enough that they feel respected by you so that they will open up to you. Healthy relationships and good communication involve respectful navigating of boundaries on both sides.
Paul’s Teachings on Boundaries in Relationships
The Apostle Paul speaks strongly in the New Testament against associating with people who might lead believers astray; he wants Christians to set good personal boundaries in order to avoid being corrupted by bad influences.
Two passages in particular from Paul’s letters speak to this type of boundary in relationships.
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
1 Corinthians 15:33
Paul is warning the Corinthians against keeping company with false teachers whose moral outlook on life was influencing them to believe false things about God. If you associate with people who teach false things and who have bad character, you will be adversely influenced by them.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?“
2 Corinthians 6:14
Paul does not mean here that you cannot be friends with non-Christians; rather, he is warning against participating in activities or in a relationship with non-Christians that involve compromising our commitment to God.
As implied in the previous verse about bad company, those who fellowship with unbelievers will eventually be led away from God and their commitment will wane. It is important to have boundaries in place so that you can be a friend to unbelievers while not letting them corrupt you.
The Apostle Paul shares many New Testament teachings in the letters he wrote to believers about how to live life in relationship with others. There are people who have character traits and personalities that can compromise the ability to live like Jesus, and boundaries need to be set when interacting with such people.
In Titus 3, Paul shares about how to establish relationship boundaries within the church and within the world. He reminds believers to be courteous and peaceable, but he also warns against continued contact with a divisive person, saying,
“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned”
Titus 3:10-11
While you need to always be friends with non-believers so that you might win them to Christ one day, you cannot let friendship with them change your faith. As a Christian, you are different from non-Christians in a fundamental way: God lives in you and your purpose is to worship Him and become more like Jesus every day.
Non-Christians do not know God and they do not belong to Him, therefore their purpose is at odds with your purpose. In order to not be drawn away from loving and serving God fully, you need to set boundaries and choose relationships that align with your faith.
The Importance of Setting Boundaries Today
The Clothed with Dignity blog shares about biblical boundaries in this way:
“Biblical boundaries are personal rules that you set in place to make sure that no one takes advantage of you, hurts or harms you, or treats you with disrespect. An example of setting a boundary includes saying no to someone, cutting someone off in your life and just loving them from a distance, and walking away from a situation that may require you to abandon your faith or change the beliefs that you have.”
Clothed with Dignity
Relevance of Biblical Boundaries in Modern Life
Healthy boundaries are something to be valued, shared, and upheld. God encourages you to have boundaries that are rooted in protection and goodness, both for yourself and as you honor others with the boundaries they have set.
When you have strong boundaries you have a good sense of who you are and what you stand for, and this will help you discern when to say no and how to say yes to those who need help understanding your boundaries.
Personal Implications
In addition to what has already been mentioned or implied in previous paragraphs, here are some practical examples of setting boundaries in your daily life:
- learn to say no — this involves protecting your schedule, saying no to things you don’t want to do but feel pressured to do, or limiting how much time you spend on something you are doing for someone else
- set specific boundaries for work time and family time
- limit social media usage and screen time
- learn which problems are yours to solve and which are not
- protect your physical space by knowing when to move away from someone, and being clear and concise when someone is overstepping this boundary for you
- know when to leave a harmful situation
- be willing to steer the conversation away from topics that bother you and don’t be afraid to step away and not participate
- make sure you are having alone time, especially a time of solitude and contemplation before the Lord
- protect your sleep so that you are getting enough rest
Social Implications
Community boundaries are just as important as personal boundaries. Communities are spaces where people feel welcomed, understood, and supported, which is so very important for personal well-being and for societies to remain strong.
Therefore, it is vital to have boundaries that create a sense of safety within the community. Members need to know that others in the community share their values and where people are willing to be vulnerable with each other because it is a safe space.
Boundaries are how you can show others you care as you stay supportive and love them without sacrificing your own health and happiness in the process.
Spiritual Implications
The important thing to remember when setting God-honoring boundaries is to keep in mind the fact that you are ultimately called to serve and glorify God, not other people. Serving people is necessary, of course, but you do not need to make service to others the rule of your life — especially if it conflicts with the priorities God has placed on your life.
As Molly Wilcox puts it in her article about spiritual boundaries,
“To become more Christlike we have to set boundaries. We start to sense the Holy Spirit convicting us as we pursue lives with greater holiness. We stop watching that T.V. show, we cringe at certain language or at comments that are full of mindsets that don’t reflect the heart of God. We sense needing to spend less time with certain people, and we start to care more deeply for those who God reveals His heart for to us… God set up our world with boundaries, Jesus modeled boundaries for us throughout His life, and we are encouraged to continue setting relational and personal boundaries to pursue a life governed by the Spirit.”
Molly Wilcox on spiritual boundaries
A good verse of Scripture to keep before you as you seek to establish healthy boundaries in Christianity is Romans 8:5-6, which says,
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.“
Romans 8:5-6
This verse reminds you that, in order to live a holy life in accordance with the Spirit, it is important to say no sometimes, to speak the truth in love, and to live within your personal limits as you seek to honor God above all else.
FAQs about Biblical Boundaries
1. What are examples of boundaries in relationships according to the Bible?
Some examples of boundaries include saying no to someone if what they are asking you to do is beyond your ability or something you don’t feel you can do at this time (and also accepting someone else’s no to a request from you), putting distance between yourself and someone who is not respecting your boundaries, letting someone know you don’t want to be hugged or kissed, and walking away from a situation that may require you to abandon your faith or change the beliefs that you have.
2. How can I set healthy boundaries in my life?
Boundaries are like stop signs in your life. You have to decide for yourself where you put your stop signs and what you consider crossing a boundary; this will vary based on your beliefs, values, cultural customs, and family traditions.
Remember, too, that setting boundaries is not always about keeping others out; it’s about providing an environment where there’s a balance between the needs and wants of all the people who are involved in a relationship.
3. Why are boundaries important in Christianity?
Christian boundaries are important because they help you set loving limits in your relationships, and allow you to determine what is your responsibility, and what is the other person’s responsibility.
Boundaries help strengthen and protect marriages and the relationships of parents with children. Christian boundaries teach us to accept one another as being different yet still valuable.
4. What does the Bible say about crossing boundaries?
Whenever the Bible talks about areas of your life that you alone are responsible for, such as when the Bible instructs you to remember your true identity in Christ or when you are taught to say no to something bad and yes to something good, this is when the Bible is talking about the importance of personal boundaries.
If you find you are unable to reason with someone who is crossing a boundary that God wants you to have in place, then you should do as Paul says in Titus 3: “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them.”
In summary, boundaries are important to protect yourself physically, emotionally, morally, and spiritually. Having good boundaries in place promotes healthy relationships and spiritual growth.
God established boundaries and the consequences of not honoring them from the beginning with Adam and Eve. He also set forth moral boundaries for all people to follow in the Ten Commandments.
Jesus had very good boundaries in place for himself and respected the boundaries of others even as He sought to draw them into His kingdom, as is seen in his conversation with the woman at the well.
Paul had a lot to say about boundaries and how important they are for keeping believers pure and protected from the influence of evil.
Setting biblical boundaries in your life is just as important now as it was in the days of Jesus and Paul. Healthy boundaries are practical in your daily life, fostering a supportive community environment and keeping your relationship with God strong.
I encourage you to reflect on your own boundaries and consider how biblical teachings can help you set and maintain them in your lives.
More Biblical Guidance to Set Healthy Boundaries
How to Stop Someone From Sabotaging You — 5 Helpful Tips
Advice For People Pleasers And Ways to Overcome It
How to Stop Feeling Responsible for Others — 5 Effective Ways