How to Stop Someone From Sabotaging You — 5 Helpful Tips

I know how frustrating it is when someone sabotages your progress – learn how to stop someone from sabotaging you and reclaim control with these helpful tips.

Sabotage can be such a difficult thing to discern. I have two personal stories to share to help you untangle the tricky nature of sabotage.

First, I was a single mother to three beautiful, spirited children. Attending church was daunting back then. I remember feeling like I was trying my best, but the people in my church made me feel inferior because I was not married. 

Did they make me feel less than or did I just feel less than? We’ll get into this further a little later on.

I remember one time my son, who was 5 years old, went down to the children’s gathering and didn’t know which handle was the light switch and which was the alarm. 

Yes, you guessed it, he pulled the wrong one. As the alarm sounded, I rushed to make sure my children were okay. I saw my son sitting, surrounded by many men in the church. 

At first, I thought he was hurt, but as I drew closer, I heard them scolding him. Off to the side, I heard people talking in hushed tones, saying that if I didn’t get better at parenting, my son was going to jail.

They were sabotaging me from the beginning. Why couldn’t they just help? 

A second example: My pastor’s wife did a Christian weight loss program. I joined being quite overweight myself. The women did extra events outside the weight loss program time, but I was never invited. All of their husbands would get together as the women did things and I didn’t have a husband. I felt all alone. 

I stopped going to the weight loss group and eventually, I stopped going to that church. Whether they meant to sabotage me or I just felt sabotaged, it had the same effect. 

I was separated from the church and believing that God’s people were like that, separated me from God as well.

Have you ever felt sabotaged? Like someone is out to get you? Like you are the only one, being singled out?

There are ways to deal with people who sabotage and ways to deal with ourselves when it is just us feeling sabotaged.

There is hope. Keep reading to see how I found my way back to God. How you can keep close to God and how you can stop the sabotage, stop the negative feelings, and deal with the fact that everyone is flawed. 

God provides both spiritual guidance and practical wisdom to overcome sabotage and protect your peace.

Recognizing Sabotage with Discernment

While Jo Banks speaks of sabotage at work, it applies to sabotage in the church or at any time in our Christian walk.

Sabotage comes in many forms, from direct actions like interference or destruction to more subtle forms such as spreading rumors or undermining efforts behind the scenes. 

With my son, I felt the sabotage right up front with the men scolding him and behind the scenes with the whispered conversation of him going to jail.

Banks also speaks to exclusions from conversations and undermining efforts, which I felt with the women in the church. 

Discerning the true motives behind such actions can be challenging, as individuals may conceal their intentions or justify their behavior in different ways.

Prayer plays a crucial role in discerning true sabotage and the motives behind the behavior. 

Prayer also provides strength and wisdom to go through challenging situations with grace and discernment.

Prayer gives you a sense of inner peace and trust. We can trust God at all times. 

“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.”

Isaiah 26:3

Trust and inner peace can enable us to respond to sabotage with wisdom and integrity, rather than with fear, anger, or retaliation. 

How did I respond to the men in the church? Well at first, I felt they must be right, because they were closer to God than I was. 

I was just a single mom struggling. I felt like a failure with fear and anger at myself.

How did I respond to the women in the church? I ran away.

Did they truly sabotage me? 

Well, there were spreading rumors, exclusions from conversations and events, and indirectly interfering with my weight loss. 

I could have felt validated and said that yes I was being sabotaged and therefore was justified in being angry.

But what was their intent?

Distinguishing Misunderstandings

Open, honest communication is so important. Through open communication, you and others can clarify your intentions, address concerns, and work towards finding common ground.

Pray for God’s guidance, clarity, and wisdom especially when in tough conversations. 

By seeking clarity through prayer, we can gain insight into our own motivations and intentions as well as those of others involved. 

I wish I had prayed when hearing the discussions over my son; I wouldn’t have had to go through so much pain for so long. 

If I had prayed and then went to the women in the church, I may have found out that they didn’t even realize what was happening. 

Give the benefit of the doubt. This involves assuming positive intentions of all, unless they prove you wrong.

Giving the women of the church the benefit of the doubt, I may have determined right away that they meant no harm and I could have searched for some common ground to include myself more.

Giving the benefit of the doubt shows that you are willing to approach a disagreement or misunderstanding with an open mind and willingness to consider different viewpoints.

The Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is difficult. Especially, when you are in a negative situation.

In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus teaches, 

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” 

Matthew 6:14-15

This passage shows us the transformative power of forgiveness and its importance in keeping close to Jesus.

This passage helped me to forgive. 

I know I need God’s forgiveness, and I could never risk not having it. 

I remember going to the altar on a lonely day. No one except the church staff were there, but the church was open to any who wished to come. 

I knelt at the altar and the tears would not stop. I just wanted to be close to God. I felt there was a wall between us. 

Matthew 6:14-15 came up and I prayed for God to help me to forgive these people that I felt had hurt me on purpose.

I didn’t immediately pray for them or forgive them. 

I prayed for God to help me to be able to forgive them.

I didn’t want them to feel blameless and happy when they did what they did to me and my family.

God showed me that they may not have done anything to me or my family. 

Yes, the men said some mean things, but why? I didn’t know why, I had never asked. 

The women had ostracized me, but as I found out later, they hadn’t realized that they had hurt me.

God showed me that I needed to forgive, not immediately for them, but for me. So I did.

I asked God to forgive those men and the church ladies. 

I asked Him to bless them and show them how to be kind to single mothers. Okay, that last one was a tiny dig, but thank God, He knows my heart.

Immediately, I felt blessed. I will never forget that feeling. 

I was kneeling in a puddle of my tears and all of a sudden the tears stopped and I felt weight come off my shoulders. I started to try to see things from their perspective. 

The tears did start again, but they were tears of thankfulness. 

God was with me and that was all I needed. 

Tip 1— Prayer and Scripture for Strength

We can’t do this alone. We need God’s strength. Here is a prayer or at least a similar prayer to what I prayed at that altar.

Heavenly Father,

I come before You seeking Your guidance and wisdom. Please give me clarity and insight into the true nature of the challenges I face. Help me discern between honest disagreements and acts of sabotage, so that I may respond with grace and integrity. Help me to forgive those I feel have wronged me.

Please protect me and my family from further harm. Shield me from the bad intentions of others, and surround me and my family with Your loving presence and protection. Strengthen my resolve to stand firm in Your truth and to overcome this sabotage with faith and courage.

Grant me the wisdom to forgive those who may seek to harm me, even if they have not repented. Help me to show Your love and compassion in all my interactions, extending grace to others as You have extended it to me.

May Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Guide my steps and lead me along the path of righteousness for Your name’s sake.

In Jesus’ name, I pray,

Amen.

Strength in Scripture

Studying verses that speak to perseverance, overcoming adversity, and trusting in God’s plan can provide immense encouragement and strength during difficult times. 

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28

In this verse we see that even in the midst of challenge, God is working for our good. It also says that He will use our negative situations to bring about positive for us.

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:13

This is my favorite verse and I have it posted all over my home. 

This verse highlights the power and strength that comes from our relationship with Christ. It reminds us that we are not alone in facing challenges.

We are never alone when God is for us. There is such power and strength in His blood and in His name.

Strength is seen in scripture:

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”

Psalm 28:7

“I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

Psalm 18:1-2

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.“

Isaiah 41:10

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.”

Ephesians 6:10

God is with you and He will provide you with the strength you need. 

He helped me from my knees and dried my tears. He walked with me into a new church. 

He also walked with me as I returned to my past church and prayerfully confronted the people I thought had sabotaged me purposely. 

I so wish I had read this article back then and knew how to speak with them directly, immediately. So much pain could have been avoided.

Praying for the Saboteur

So, here is a large challenge.

Someone had told me I was a bad parent and that my son was going to end up in jail; and many women were having social fun and excluding me. 

Now, I need to forgive them. Shouldn’t they be apologizing? Shouldn’t they change their ways?

Here is a lesson that God has shown me. 

I can’t make anyone else do or change anything. I can only change myself.

Forgiving them, makes me whole. Forgiveness connects me to God. 

God will work on them, if they need it. It is not for me to be concerned about. 

 “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Matthew 5:44

We are taught through this verse, to respond to negativity with love and prayer, even if the person is seeking to harm us.

Praying for the transformation of our saboteurs reflects a heart of compassion and forgiveness, even if we may not feel compassion and forgiveness in the moment. 

It acknowledges that everyone is capable of change and redemption. 

By lifting up our saboteurs in prayer, we invite God’s transformative grace into their lives, trusting in His power to soften hearts and bring about positive change. 

We can’t change them, but He can.

At the same time, we need to take practical steps to protect ourselves.. 

This may involve setting boundaries, seeking support from trusted individuals or authorities, and taking proactive measures to minimize risks.

Tip 2 — Confront with Grace and Humility

So, we have prayed for our saboteur, but we also need to confront them. We need to confront them with a message rooted in love and respect. 

We need to pray for God’s wisdom and strength. 

Matthew 18:15-17 provides us a framework for resolving conflicts:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Matthew 18:15-17

This passage helps us see the importance of addressing conflicts directly and respectfully; don’t let them fester, like I did with the men of the church.

When I confronted the women of the church, which I did first. I prayed for guidance and strength. I used Galatians 6:1 to guide me. 

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

Galatians 6: 1

The women immediately were saddened by the thought that I had felt isolated and explained to me how they were carrying on as they had been doing and were unaware of how I felt. 

It was a relief to me that they did not intend to harm me. 

Now, I had to go before the men, and this did scare me. I prayed, but did not feel comfort, at first. 

I knew I had to go before them before I told anyone else. I didn’t want to gossip. I knew they would not physically harm me, but I was still afraid.

I needed more guidance.

Focus on the Issue

God showed me to take my focus off the men and put my focus on the issue. 

The issue was I felt like a bad parent, because I let the men scold my son and because I had overheard the conversation about my son possibly going to jail because he had me as a parent.

I had to take time to gather my thoughts and especially my emotions before addressing the situation. 

I then had to find an appropriate time and place where I felt safe and they would feel safe as I addressed this. 

I asked the pastor if I could use his office and asked each man individually to come to the office. They were a little surprised when they all showed up at the same time.

I started by telling them how much I liked them, appreciated them, and looked up to them in the church. 

I then told them directly and specifically what I saw, heard and felt during the encounter. 

I will never forget the reactions. One man covered his mouth and sat down, most stared at the floor. Only one became defensive. 

I listened to their explanations fully. They had been startled and scared by the alarm going off. 

They were concerned that my son had done this on purpose and were worried he was going down the wrong path. I wanted to jump in and say, “He is only 5” but I didn’t. 

I listened. 

When you address your saboteur make sure you listen as well. They have a perspective of the situation, even if it is a different perspective than yours.

One man suggested that he apologize to my son and others agreed. 

There were 7 or 8 men, I don’t remember specifically. As they were leaving 3 stayed behind and I wasn’t sure why. 

I quickly raised a prayer to God for further strength.

The 3 that stayed were the ones who had said my son was going to jail. They apologized and said they had sinned. 

They said they should never have gossiped and they had no excuse. They even thanked me for bringing this to them, so that they could pray and correct their own behaviors.

Yes, tears came. I was so grateful that God had put this lesson in front of me. That I could experience mature Christians in this light.

He blessed me through these experiences. I think He also blessed the saboteurs.

Now, it doesn’t always go so well. We did have a woman in the church who partook of hurtful gossip to many, not me though.

She was spoken to and resisted any change. We, as a body, had to create boundaries and keep praying for her. 

We all knew that if we heard anything from her that it was just gossip and to tell her we wouldn’t listen or participate in gossip but wished her well.

We kept praying, but it didn’t end as happily as my stories did. She left the church, even before I did and I do not know what became of her.

Offering Forgiveness

By modeling forgiveness to the women and the  men of the church, God’s transformative power and grace were reflected. 

I was a baby Christian at that time, and scripture and prayer are what guided me through the steps I took.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:32

To reflect God’s forgiveness for others:

• My forgiveness needed to be sincere. I prayed for a genuine heart of forgiveness.
• I had to not expect an apology. I would have loved that, but it wasn’t about an apology; it was about unconditional forgiveness.
• I had to embrace empathy and understanding and see their perspective. I had to “walk a mile in their shoes”.
• I had to let go of my resentment. This took a conscious effort on my part and a lot of prayer for God’s strength.
• I then had to also set boundaries. If my stories had ended in a different fashion I needed to know that I could protect myself through limiting time with any toxic people. This does not mean wishing them harm, just deciding to not be yoked with anyone who was toxic to me.

I prayed for God to fill me with His love so that it would overflow onto each of them through me.

I am now friends with each of these people, 25 years later. No, I do not go to the same church, as that was part of my personal boundaries, but I love each of them with God’s love.

The Holy Mess offers wonderful insight and Bible verses about Forgiveness and Reconciliation to help in your journey. 

Practical Scripting

As you are reading my experiences, you may be wondering, but how do you have this type of conversation?

Here are some examples that may help,

If you are being sabotaged, or feel that you are, use these scripted examples to help you. 

• “When you make negative comments about my work or life in front of others, it undermines my confidence and creates tension in me. It would be helpful if we could address any concerns or feedback directly and privately.”

• “When you ignore my input and/or suggestions, it makes me feel undervalued and undermines what I have to say. It would be helpful if we could create a more inclusive environment between us where both ideas are respected and considered.”
• “When you spread rumors or gossip about me behind my back, it damages my reputation and erodes trust. It would be helpful if we could address any concerns or misunderstandings directly and refrain from engaging in harmful behaviors.”

In each of these examples, the conversation is initiated with a clear description of the problematic behavior and its impact. Be sure to be as specific as you can for your own challenge.

This approach helps the saboteur understand the consequences of their actions and encourages them to reflect on their behavior.

 Additionally, by offering a suggestion or request for improvement, you invite the saboteur to find a solution and move forward positively.

Tip 3 — Setting Healthy Boundaries Rooted in Self-Respect

Setting healthy boundaries is protecting your relationships and emotional well-being. 

Boundaries are rooted in self-respect and cultivate your relationship with God.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Proverbs 4:23

Boundaries promote personal growth, prevent burnout and empower you.

Healthy boundaries are not selfish; they are an essential component of self-care and self-respect. 

By setting and maintaining boundaries, you demonstrate to yourself and others that you value your time, energy, and well-being.

Practical Examples

Here are some practical examples of setting healthy boundaries: 

Limiting Interactions with the Saboteur:

• If they frequently gossip or spread rumors, politely excuse yourself from conversations where such topics arise.

• If they consistently criticize your life and/or work without offering constructive feedback, minimize discussing concerns with them.

• Redirect conversations away from negative topics towards more positive or neutral subjects.

Declining Requests that Create Undue Stress:

• If your supervisor at work or the church asks you to take on an additional project when you’re already at full capacity, politely explain your current workload/life load and suggest alternative solutions, such as delegating the task to someone else or postponing it until you have more availability.

• If a friend or family member asks for help with something that you don’t have the time or energy for, express your limitations honestly and offer assistance within your means or recommend other resources that could help them.

Focusing on Tasks You Can Control:

• focus on improving your skills, productivity, and mindset.

• Break down large goals into smaller, actionable steps that you can tackle one at a time, focusing on what you can do in the present moment.

• Practice mindfulness or other techniques to stay grounded and focused on the present rather than getting caught up in future uncertainties or past mistakes.

• Set the boundary that God’s purpose for you comes first, and surround yourself with people who feel the same.

Communicating Boundaries

We have to clearly communicate our boundaries, such as:

• “I value my time outside of work. Therefore, I won’t be responding to emails after 6 PM. It’s important for me to prioritize my personal time for relaxation and rejuvenation, which ultimately allows me to be more focused and productive during work hours. I appreciate your understanding and cooperation in respecting this boundary.”

• “I value my time with my family. Therefore, I won’t be able to take on this extra project. I appreciate your understanding and your respect for my boundary.”

Tip 4 — Focus on Your Gifts, Calling, and Community

Instead of focusing on the feelings associated with a saboteur, focus on your God given purpose. 

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Ephesians 2:10

1. Identify Your Gifts: Take time to reflect on your strengths, talents, and passions. Ask God to reveal your gifts to you.  By recognizing your gifts, you can better understand how you can contribute meaningfully in various areas of your life, including your church community.

2. Nurture Your Gifts: Once you’ve identified your gifts, invest time and effort into developing them further. 

3. Serve with Purpose: Look for opportunities within your church where you can use your gifts to serve others.  Whether it’s through teaching, leading worship, volunteering in community outreach programs, or providing support to those in need, serving with purpose can bring immense joy and fulfillment.

4. Stay Grounded in Your Calling: Remind yourself of the unique calling and purpose that God has placed on your life. 

“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

Romans 12: 6-8

5. Support Others: Encourage and support others in their journey of discovering and utilizing their gifts. 

Seek Supportive Fellowship

Turning to trusted mentors, pastors, or Christian support groups can provide valuable guidance and encouragement when faced with sabotage or any other challenges. 

Remember always to fellowship with God, prayer is key.

1. Identify Trusted Mentors or Pastors: Reach out to individuals whom you trust and respect, and who have demonstrated wisdom and integrity in their own lives. 

2. Seek Guidance: When you encounter sabotage or other difficulties, don’t hesitate to seek guidance from your mentors or pastors. Share your concerns openly and honestly, and be receptive to their advice and insights. 

3. Receive Encouragement: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you in your faith journey.

4. Pray: Prayer is our connection to God. It is a powerful tool for finding strength, peace, and clarity in the midst of adversity. 

5. Stay Connected: Cultivate ongoing relationships with your mentors, pastors, and Christian support groups, not only during times of difficulty but also in times of joy and celebration. 

Using Your Gifts for Good

Using your gifts to build up the church and bless others can be a powerful response to feelings of being sabotaged. 

1. Focus on Serving: Instead of dwelling on negativity or feeling discouraged by sabotage, channel your energy into serving others within your church community. 

2. Lead by Example: Demonstrate integrity, kindness, and humility in your interactions with others, regardless of how you may be treated.  Your positive attitude and actions can serve as a powerful example, inspiring others to follow suit and show love and unity within the church.

3. Encourage and Build Up Others: Be intentional about encouraging and affirming those around you.

4. Pray for Guidance and Strength: Lean on God, through prayer, for guidance and strength during challenging times.  Seek God’s wisdom and discernment in how best to use your gifts to bless others and overcome feelings of being sabotaged. Trust in His faithfulness to equip you for every good work.

5. Stay Grounded in Your Purpose: Remember your unique calling and purpose within the church. Stay focused on glorifying God and advancing His kingdom through your actions, knowing that every opportunity to use your gifts for His glory is a privilege and a blessing.

Tip 5 — When to Seek Further Help and Knowing Limits

I recognized that while I was nervous, I was not in danger from the women or men of the church. 

In another situation, I was being sabotaged by a friend and was in severe danger of being physically harmed. It is important to know when your limit has been reached and you need help.

1. Repeated and Severe Sabotage: If the sabotage you’re experiencing is persistent, increasing in severity, and significantly impacting your physically and/or emotional well-being, it may be time to involve outside help.  For me, I went to my pastor, who then went to select men in the church to accompany me as the friend was confronted.

2. Failure of Tried Resolution: If you have tried to address the situation casually, but the situation continues despite your efforts, you may need outside help.

3. Impact on Mental or Physical Health: If the sabotage is causing significant stress, anxiety, or other negative impacts on your mental or physical health, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and seek support.  This support could come from a psychologist, counselor, and your church pastor.

4. Concern for Others’ Safety: If you believe the sabotage poses a threat to your safety or the safety of others, immediate escalation may be warranted. This may include notifying the police. 

Professional Support

There is nothing wrong with seeking therapy. Therapy is a powerful tool to help you through negative experiences. 

I went through my new church and sought informal counseling with my pastor and his wife, who was also a pastor. 

I needed help to get over my insecurities and learn that all people have sinned, but that I could trust God to give me strength to overcome and that I could trust His people as well.

Therapy can help us gain emotional support, identify coping strategies, build resilience, set boundaries, heal from trauma, and gain perspective. 

Therapy can be a very valuable tool. 

If you choose a therapist outside of your Christian life, pray as you enter the door to bring God into your sessions. 

Actually, pray even if you are seeing a Christian therapist. Bring God to each appointment, you will be happily surprised how much you can gain.

Priority on Well-being

I wish I had been able to hear this a long time ago – you are not being selfish to prioritize your well-being. You cannot give of yourself and follow God’s plan if your well being is being crushed.

We all need to:

1. Protect Our Mental Health: Consistently being in a toxic environment can take a significant toll on our mental health, leading to increased stress, anxiety, depression, and other psychological issues.

2. Preserve Our Emotional Well-being: Toxic environments often involve negative interactions, conflicts, and emotional abuse, which can destroy our self-esteem, confidence, and sense of worth. 

3. Maintain Our Spiritual Health: Toxic environments can also affect our relationship with God. Which can undermine our sense of purpose and values. 

4. Create Space for Growth: Leaving a toxic environment creates space for personal growth, self-discovery, and positive change. 

5. Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-care: Removing yourself from a toxic environment is an act of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. 

It sends a clear message that you value your well-being and refuse to tolerate environments that undermine your health and happiness.

It’s important to recognize that removing yourself from a toxic environment may not always be easy or straightforward. It may involve practical challenges such as finding a new job, relocating, or ending certain relationships. 

However, prioritizing your mental and spiritual health is worth the effort and can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life in the long run. Prioritizing your well being will improve your connection and relationship with God.

FAQ’s On How To Stop Someone From Sabotaging You

You may be experiencing sabotaging or you may feel like you are, either way this could be interfering with your relationship with God and your own well-being.

Pray for guidance and strength, know your limits and proceed with love, grace, and forgiveness. 

Regardless of how your circumstance resolves, set healthy boundaries. 

More Posts To Help You Overcome Sabotage

31 Bible Verses for Feeling Worthless

What Does The Bible Say About Comparing Yourself To Others?

25 Inspiring Bible Verses On Being Yourself